every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
