This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
