i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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