Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
