i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
And my parents said I crawled through the house
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
