tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
