I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
