By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
