Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
