What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
