i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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