chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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