I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
