I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
