You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
