I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
