I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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