is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize