I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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