you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
