Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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