Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
