You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
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Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.