The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?