Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.