If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."