dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.