I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?