Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
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