you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
