Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
