Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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