I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
barbara walters just said penis...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
