My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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