Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
