why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
being pregnant is like rehab
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
