My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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