She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
