who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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