Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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