Already got asked if we're dating
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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