He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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