my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize