He is an equal opportunity slut.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize