The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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