yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize