Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
