thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
