If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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