Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
