I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
