I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The power of my boobs compel you
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize