i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
