...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
