nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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