Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
