oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
