last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
