Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
