She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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