Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
